For years I wore a role that wasn’t mine to carry. I was the safe space the fixer the one people ran to when their worlds crumbled often after they had helped chip away at mine. People would confide in me bleed all over me emotionally lean on me for clarity comfort and calm then disappear. They didn’t really know me and truthfully they didn’t care to. I was a tool not a whole person. Just a space to dump their pain and then move on.
I used to think that was love. That being available emotionally giving and self-sacrificing made me worthy. But the truth is I was bleeding myself dry to be understood by people who were never interested in knowing me. I was performing emotional labor for free for people who had no plans of giving anything in return. And when I stopped playing that role something shifted. The silence became louder. The smear campaigns began. The fake concern the backhanded compliments the foolery all came to the surface.
But I’ve healed now. Whatever that part of me was that needed to prove I was lovable through emotional service she’s no longer driving. I finally understand those spaces were way too small for the full version of me. The authentic me. And when people try to re-enter my life with that same limited lens using me for advice therapy or spiritual insight without offering true connection I don’t even get angry anymore. I just get bored.
There’s no magic there. No depth. Just one-dimensional interactions that feel flat and unfulfilling. I’m not interested in being reduced to someone else’s dumping ground especially when I’m so much more than that.
So if you’re only here for what I can do for you emotionally spiritually or energetically keep it moving. I’ve got room in my life now only for reciprocal energy soul-deep connections and people who see me. Not the fantasy. Not the fixer. Just me.
And let’s be honest the same folks who once drained me are often the ones who’ve tried to dim my light. They tried to assassinate my character when I didn’t play the role they scripted for me. They lied plotted projected and still couldn’t touch me. That’s when I realized the truth. When you outgrow a role people only saw you playing they panic. But I don’t. Because I’m no longer performing.
I’m not your emotional dumpster
I’m my own sanctuary
